By George Petersen

I FIRST GOT A REAL SWISS ARMY KNIFE back in the early ‘70s, when I spent a lot of time troubleshooting gear. I finally managed to destroy it (it essentially was worn out to the nubs) after it saved my butt about a thousand times, repairing hundreds of pieces of A/V gear, from simple P.A. rigs to elaborate 70mm projection systems with 6-channel Dolby playback. I even filed down the flat screwdriver that stuck out of the side of the knife body at a 90-degree angle so it would fit those reverse-threaded XLR set screws that holds the connector into place. That same attachment also made for a pretty formidable brass-knuckle effect, although that particular usage wasn’t mentioned in any of the official Victorinox literature.

Anyway, it’s too late for Christmas now, but I just heard about a slick new entry in the Swiss Army line—even cooler than the company’s Cyberknife of a couple years back, the one that even included mini Torx drivers for repairing PCs.

Although it’s a whopping $1,200 retail, Wenger Giant Swiss Army Knife™ V1.0 #16999 certainly tops anyone’s gift list—or for those companies looking for the ultimate in tradeshow swag—this one’s the ticket. At an actual size of 8.75×3.25-inches (WxL); and weighing in at 2 pounds, 11 ounces, it’s a bit large for the average pocket. However you get a lot here…

It touts 85 implements with 110 functions in all including a 2.5″ 60% serrated locking blade; nail file, nail cleaner; corkscrew; adjustable pliers with wire crimper and cutter; removable screwdriver bit adapter; 2.5″ blade for official world scout knife; spring-loaded, locking needle-nose pliers with wire cutter; removable screwdriver bit holder; phillips head screwdriver bit 0; phillips head screwdriver bit 1; phillips head screwdriver bit 2; flat head screwdriver bit 0.5mm x 3.5mm; flat head screwdriver bit 0.6mm x 4.0mm; flat head screwdriver bit 1.0mm x 6.5mm; magnetized recessed bit holder; double-cut wood saw with ruler (inch & cm); bike chain rivet setter, removable 5mm allen wrench, screwdriver for slotted and philips head screws; removable tool for adjusting bike spokes, 10mm hexagonal key for nuts; removable 4mm curved allen wrench with philips head screwdriver; removable 10mm hexagonal key; patented locking philips head screwdriver; universal wrench; 2.4″ springless scissors with serrated, self-sharpening design; 1.65″ clip point utility blade; philips head screwdriver; 2.5″ clip point blade; golf club face cleaner; 2.4″ round tip blade; patented locking screwdriver, cap lifter, can opener; golf shoe spike wrench; golf divot repair tool; 4mm allen wrench; 2.5″ blade; fine metal file with precision screwdriver; double-cut wood saw; cupped cigar cutter with double-honed edges; 12/20-gauge choke tube tool; watch caseback opening tool; snap shackle; mineral crystal magnifier with precision screwdriver; compass, straight edge, ruler (in./cm); telescopic pointer; fish scaler, hook disgorger, line guide; shortix laboratory key; micro tool holder; micro tool adapter; micro scraper–straight; micro scraper–curved; laser pointer with 300 ft. range; metal saw, metal file; flashlight; micro tool holder; philips head screwdriver 1.5mm; screwdriver 1.2mm; screwdriver .8mm; fine fork for watch spring bars; reamer; pin punch 1.2mm; pin punch .8mm; round needle file; removable tool holder with expandable receptacle; removable tool holder; special self-centering screwdriver for gunsights; flat philips head screwdriver; chisel-point reamer; mineral crystal magnifier, fork for watch spring bars, small ruler; extension tool; spring-loaded, locking flat nose-nose pliers with wire cutter; removable screwdriver bit holder; phillips head screwdriver bit 0; phillips head screwdriver bit 1; phillips head screwdriver bit 2; flat head screwdriver bit 0.5mm x 3.5mm; flat head screwdriver bit 0.6mm x 4.0mm; flat head screwdriver bit 1.0mm x 6.5mm; magnetized recessed bit holder; tire tread gauge; fiber optic tool holder; can opener; patented locking screwdriver, cap lifter, wire stripper; reamer/awl; toothpick; tweezers; and of course, a key ring—you won’t lose your keys if this sucker is attached—guaranteed.

Of all these functions, my fave would have to be the “12/20-gauge choke tube tool” (some of use work some pretty tough gigs), but the “shortix laboratory key” sounds intriguing as well…

Wanna check it out? Just click here…

When not working on Mix stuff, George Petersen records and performs with the SF Bay Area-based rock band ARIEL. Click here www.jenpet.com and check ‘em out.

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