By George Petersen
I FIRST GOT A REAL SWISS ARMY KNIFE back in the early ‘70s, when I spent a lot of time troubleshooting gear. I finally managed to destroy it (it essentially was worn out to the nubs) after it saved my butt about a thousand times, repairing hundreds of pieces of A/V gear, from simple P.A. rigs to elaborate 70mm projection systems with 6-channel Dolby playback. I even filed down the flat screwdriver that stuck out of the side of the knife body at a 90-degree angle so it would fit those reverse-threaded XLR set screws that holds the connector into place. That same attachment also made for a pretty formidable brass-knuckle effect, although that particular usage wasn’t mentioned in any of the official Victorinox literature.
Anyway, it’s too late for Christmas now, but I just heard about a slick new entry in the Swiss Army line—even cooler than the company’s Cyberknife of a couple years back, the one that even included mini Torx drivers for repairing PCs.
Although it’s a whopping $1,200 retail, Wenger Giant Swiss Army Knifeâ„¢ V1.0 #16999 certainly tops anyone’s gift list—or for those companies looking for the ultimate in tradeshow swag—this one’s the ticket. At an actual size of 8.75×3.25-inches (WxL); and weighing in at 2 pounds, 11 ounces, it’s a bit large for the average pocket. However you get a lot here…
It touts 85 implements with 110 functions in all including a 2.5″ 60% serrated locking blade; nail file, nail cleaner; corkscrew; adjustable pliers with wire crimper and cutter; removable screwdriver bit adapter; 2.5″ blade for official world scout knife; spring-loaded, locking needle-nose pliers with wire cutter; removable screwdriver bit holder; phillips head screwdriver bit 0; phillips head screwdriver bit 1; phillips head screwdriver bit 2; flat head screwdriver bit 0.5mm x 3.5mm; flat head screwdriver bit 0.6mm x 4.0mm; flat head screwdriver bit 1.0mm x 6.5mm; magnetized recessed bit holder; double-cut wood saw with ruler (inch & cm); bike chain rivet setter, removable 5mm allen wrench, screwdriver for slotted and philips head screws; removable tool for adjusting bike spokes, 10mm hexagonal key for nuts; removable 4mm curved allen wrench with philips head screwdriver; removable 10mm hexagonal key; patented locking philips head screwdriver; universal wrench; 2.4″ springless scissors with serrated, self-sharpening design; 1.65″ clip point utility blade; philips head screwdriver; 2.5″ clip point blade; golf club face cleaner; 2.4″ round tip blade; patented locking screwdriver, cap lifter, can opener; golf shoe spike wrench; golf divot repair tool; 4mm allen wrench; 2.5″ blade; fine metal file with precision screwdriver; double-cut wood saw; cupped cigar cutter with double-honed edges; 12/20-gauge choke tube tool; watch caseback opening tool; snap shackle; mineral crystal magnifier with precision screwdriver; compass, straight edge, ruler (in./cm); telescopic pointer; fish scaler, hook disgorger, line guide; shortix laboratory key; micro tool holder; micro tool adapter; micro scraper–straight; micro scraper–curved; laser pointer with 300 ft. range; metal saw, metal file; flashlight; micro tool holder; philips head screwdriver 1.5mm; screwdriver 1.2mm; screwdriver .8mm; fine fork for watch spring bars; reamer; pin punch 1.2mm; pin punch .8mm; round needle file; removable tool holder with expandable receptacle; removable tool holder; special self-centering screwdriver for gunsights; flat philips head screwdriver; chisel-point reamer; mineral crystal magnifier, fork for watch spring bars, small ruler; extension tool; spring-loaded, locking flat nose-nose pliers with wire cutter; removable screwdriver bit holder; phillips head screwdriver bit 0; phillips head screwdriver bit 1; phillips head screwdriver bit 2; flat head screwdriver bit 0.5mm x 3.5mm; flat head screwdriver bit 0.6mm x 4.0mm; flat head screwdriver bit 1.0mm x 6.5mm; magnetized recessed bit holder; tire tread gauge; fiber optic tool holder; can opener; patented locking screwdriver, cap lifter, wire stripper; reamer/awl; toothpick; tweezers; and of course, a key ring—you won’t lose your keys if this sucker is attached—guaranteed.
Of all these functions, my fave would have to be the “12/20-gauge choke tube tool� (some of use work some pretty tough gigs), but the “shortix laboratory key� sounds intriguing as well…
Wanna check it out? Just click here…

When not working on Mix stuff, George Petersen records and performs with the SF Bay Area-based rock band ARIEL. Click here www.jenpet.com and check ‘em out.
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